{ the mysteries of life;.

9/29/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 3:10 PM

ok.let me be this way if that makes your ignorance feels better to you. don't bother to ask me why because im doing this for our own fucking good.

9/28/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 4:15 PM

i felt that we are drifting apart, dear. Don't you think so?

9/27/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 5:31 PM

To whom it may concern. The truth was the last thing I wanted to hear from you. It hits me real hard. I'm sorry if you've felt that way all along. I have my own reasons which you might understand one day. You're a diamond, and I don't have what it takes to preserve the diamond for a long period of time. I myself need self preservation. On the other note, goodluck in moving on. It is very much a classic love story. and i really really missed you so much and i missed everything you showered me with Love and tender care and yah every priceless gifts. oh god,!

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 5:31 PM

hello cheri world..

Something different for everything. My brain hasn't been functioning these few days, that explains the long absence. I've been wasted. Not taking the oppurtunities during the holidays well, I supposed. I've been thinking alot lately and I hate it especially when old memories revisits the mind and hits the nerve that connects to the heart. Rather heart wrenching. Fundamentally.

Something different for everything. It hits me rather hard. Maybe a step to self discovery? I've always loved self discovery and I've reached a point where I know what i love most which is photography. But I am pretty sure that there is more to it. Burried deep down.
Something different for everything. Gots me wonder.. what could it be?

It took me sometime to fall asleep yesterday. wandering around and look up at the ceiling and the mind is running and i don't know what i was thinking and what makes me wonder. but i love this moment when i cant discovered what i really want in life. and tell you what? i think something will change in my life sooner or later and this might hurt someone or anyone because i'm still searching my true self and what i want in this short life. who does'nt want to live to the fullest and achieve what you want in life..and most important is the "HAPPINESS".

9/14/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 1:47 PM

its windy!!!

i felt so dissapointed and betrayal by someone i trusted so much. i don't get it why its hard for you speaking the truth?why still there's a lies in you?why must there misunderstanding between us and why must we quarrel every single matters. what you take for?taking granted my sincerity?

ok, i had enough of this. its too much for me to accept it and to you give in. over and over again. do whatever you want and stop pestering me. i shall not showing care and concern towards you because you doesnt know to appreciates me. and stop asking to trust you. please leave me alone. and i dont think its my fault or to get blamed by you. cus i know ive tried my best.and what i get in return? goodbye.

9/11/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 8:23 PM

i thought i was leading in a happy life. i thought i could be happy. i thought i laugh out loud and cry in happiness. but all the thought it just hallucination, illusion. i was wrong with my thoughts!
Damn it!!!

Why must you ruined everything. why must you still around me. why must i felt guilts on us. why still lingers around me. why you there, everywhere and how am i going to forget you. how am i to makes you hates me so much. i feel so weak very weak. i need someone to forget you. why must the past still haunting me. urgh! STOP ALL THIS!

to someone who part of life:
i really hope you could understand. i really want you to makes me forget everything and cheer me up and as if i only got you in part of my life. im trying my best to forgets all this. this pain gains me stronger everyday without failed.

9/05/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 11:31 PM

hello, beautiful night. how i wonder i can have you everynight?..

i'm think i in my own world.i do my own stuff alone and i settled everything by myself and i feels like ppl dont need me anymore. i feels like in the past. by my ownself again. damned it, i hate this feelings and its hurt when being this way. i just wanted to run from all this problems, all i just wanted to free of all this and all i wanted is to be happy again. HAPPINESS...

school was ok but boring and went home all alone but i feels peace in the bedok library. its like my first time going out all alone in far away from my home.this is the first time, i feels like this is strength and courage going all by myself when companion.

meeting izzat is like last minutes meeting up. and i know i know, i always "bubble" you but you have to understand lah if i bubbles means that im tired and oink oink all the way till morning. thanks for the night and sharing me all your stories and ur thought's. i feels abit comfort and happy. i got a secret, "i missed your smells"..hah haha...eh, i really missed those days,those when im brokedown and you accompany me and cheering me up and listened to all my rubbish. to esplanade and taking bus together and i slept on your shoulder without realising it. and i know, i ni tido buruk kan mcm oink2 kan and ape lagi eh, i ni giler kan.

can i run from all this?

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 5:59 PM

seriously, i feel leftout and alone.

love somebody yes i do. love somebody but i wont tell who..")

Labels: un-happiness

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 1:40 AM

My life. My relationship.. and everything I believed around me started breaking away..
& especially the person i love the most in the past, Ijal.

I woke up earlier today, and i had enough of sleep. A wonderful sleep.
As the emptiness absorbs me, he is gone. My body felt a rush of intense heavy and heartache. I never ever felt so out of love before..

He said : You look happy..
She said : It is just a photo..

True, I smile.. then click the button on the camera. When it kills me to smile and i ask myself how long do I have to keep up.. being happy. When right at the end of the day. Im dying/crumbling/suffocating inside.

My own disaster/mistake killed half a part of me.. and I wonder will I ever get it back the old fauziah
Full of love. Happy. Attached.
It was all my fault, and its my weakness, my negligence that has led me into this big drama and then a misery of which I created. Hence, my own fault or his fault actually?

What is scary is I dont even recognise myself anymore.. But that's was the past and now ive move on and "i hope you would giving me love more than him."

9/01/2007

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 3:45 PM

Hello world..

as you see i started blogging everyday and twice in 1 day. thou i may act like i was free but its not. there's alot of thing to get settle. and i don't know which to start first and end last.

today is my very very free day. i have nothing to do and i can't recalled what i've studied. my mind was running around every second and i don't know what wrong with my head. the pain was so uncommon like other days.my head is killing me and i need to fix it.

i talked to ibu and i'm not so sure if i've make the right move and its time for me to prepare for the worst and time is so crucial.someone been pestering me to relax and think about what we had done before.

ok2, i've started again and so long goodbye. i need to go.

{ The smell of your skin lingers on me now 1:11 AM

im sorry if my entry hurt you or offence you somehow. i need to let everything out from my chest. as you know i'm afraid of you and tell you this face to face. and we didnt have the right time to share how we both felt and we been busy with each other business. and we hardly met in a proper way.

seriously, i didnt put a high expectation from you because i know who you are, honey. i know its hard for you to show some awareness.i know you are very difficult to handle and i have to accept it.i accept you the way you are and thanks for saving my life.for showing appreciation i have to handle it by myself and im sorry if i didnt look you up or share you my problems because i dont wanna to involved you in. okay.

im still thinking what should i do next. stay put or move on?do you still need me around???